Yep. You heard that right. This was my dinner. Im not fucking joking. I ate this whole plate of cheese. Wanna no a secret…? I want MORE. I want Brie for Desert! I want to Drink a glass of Fondue to wash it all down! God! How, how, oh, how do I ever stop!!
It all started… October 25, 2025. I had a god awful Mouse infestashin. The things were EVERYWHERE. I could hear them… scraching in the walls. I had ENOUGH. GET OUT OF MY HOUSE, I SAID! Go on, GET! Can't you see nobody wants you hear???!!
So… got mahself some traps from Lowe's Home Improvement just down the road. Glue traps…? No. Too brutal. Live traps…? No… my cowardice prevented me. I could not look a mouse in the eye and Dispose of it. Then. I found it. I remembered mah days as a young snoo… watching Tom and Jerry. A CLASSIC SNAP TRAP! It's genious… how could I be so ignorant!? ITS PERFECT, I excalimed!!! I went to check out… lovely young woman scanned my items. All 9 of the Snap Traps. One for each fucking mouse torminting me. Counted the scratchis so I knew this number well. 9 scratches a night.
I'm talking to the young lady, right? And I asks her, "Lady, what sort of Delicacy would the rodents enjoy?" she did not understand… I jestered vaguely. "Yknow… the cheese?" she went "Umm chedder" and I agree! Chedder worked perfectly! Now instead of 9 scratches a night… there are now only 3. 3 scratches a night. But… perhaps… It worked TOO perfectly… god…
I was baiting the traps… I had already caught 2 of the 9 fuckers in the trap. So, yeah, the chedder worked. But… I wondered…what makes this stuff so Potently Tantalizing for these mouses? It… aha… does smell quite succulent, I suppose… and… ehem… its Golden Sheen is quite… lustrous… Ahhh, ok, the mouses won't mind if I take one meesly cube? So I tried a taste. Never had much cheeses growing up. Mom was vegan. BY GOD. BY GOD. BY GOD. IT WAS SO. UGHH. so good.
Now… I can't stop. I can't stop…! Chedders, bries, blues, goats… heck, even STINKIE! All the cheeses are delish! THis was mydinner tonight. Went to the doctor a week ago and did bloodwork. LDL Cholesterol was high. Doctor told me to reduce sodium (ie, RESTRICT the cheese) but I.. I…
…I can't.
Now, I don't eat cheese for EVERY meal… but.. definitely many… if not most. It's affecting my health. My fellow Cheesiacs… how do we moderate ourselfs? I… am better than the mouses. I must not allow my gluttony to consume myself!
Welp, that's all. Stay well, and stay CHEESY! (but not TOO cheesy…)… Snoopie doopie, peace!
by SnooHooHoo