I think it depends on the family dynamic. I’m Italian and was always offered a second serving growing up. As an adult I find it hard to only eat one serving so I trick myself by using small plates/bowls and small forks/spoons. I can still have “seconds” but it’s really just one normal sized meal. 😅😅
trippyalgaewafer on
Completely agree. Had to unlearn all my learned (over)eating habits/ portion control in adulthood due to childhood obesity. Let me tell you, it’s much harder to work my ass off as an adult than it was for my mum to just control my eating as a child. Now I do understand it’s all she probably knew and it’s not directly her fault, however the outcome still happened.
Probably quite a controversial take but the trauma and life effects childhood obesity had on me, were enough for me to understand that a fat child = bad parenting.
Pinkjelliebeans on
A relative of mine would put sugar in her infants bottles to fatten her up because she was “too skinny” (she was the size of a normal infant). She’s 19 now and she’s been struggling with obesity her entire life, she was diagnosed with diabetes as a toddler. So in this case yes, very bad parenting.
dreamgal042 on
There are so many reasons someone can be fat, chalking it up to bad parenting is such a garbage take. It’s like the “if kids have bad behavior then it’s 100% the parents fault” take – it leaves out so much nuance and context around WHY kids have bad behavior that have nothing to do with how they were raised/parented.
Infamous-Rice-3803 on
It’s case by case but in most cases yea I agree!
onesadbun on
Yeah. People are always quick to say having a fat cat is animal abuse, so therefore this would be child abuse using that same logic. I understand that it’s not always black and white, everyone and every body is different. But they’re your dependents, and they depend on you to care for them properly
Feisty-Promotion-789 on
I think it really depends. There are families where everyone is a normal weight besides one child, and it is that child’s behavior governing it. The parents cannot just withhold food from one child, people have just as many strong opinions against putting children on diets against their will, and doing so can have the opposite of the intended effect over time (many people here were kids on weight watchers after all).
And then so many families just don’t have any health literacy. This is not a prerequisite for becoming a parent or for being a good parent. If it was, there’d be almost no parents and definitely very few “good” parents out there. Parents with thin kids do not necessarily feed them a healthy nutritious diet lol. Most people know very little about how to be healthy themselves, and they are inevitably just going to repeat what was done to them or habits they currently have and imbue their children with the same habits and behaviors, some are “lucky” to get kids who intuitively know how to moderate while other children do not.
mindfreakhouse on
Eh it depends. My brother was born small and was always a skinny/athletic kid growing up. I was born as a bigger baby and was always chubby growing up. The issue is my brother had a big appetite as a kid that continued but didn’t gain all the weight until later in his life whereas I have always had a small appetite yet no matter what I ate, I was never considered skinny. Now, other than me, my whole family is obese. I’m still overweight but am healthier.
On the other hand, my cousins have always been super skinny because their mom drilled it into their heads that they were worthless if they gained even a pound.
Guess who has a more loving and caring relationship with their parents.
nillawafer80 on
In my case it was. Parents should have intervened. But I understand why they didn’t. They thought they were protecting me. Good intent, bad choice.
Maleficent-Crow-5 on
I’ll say more “lazy” parenting. There’s a good chance if the kids are fat the parents are too because they probably don’t cook proper nutritional meals and rather rely on convenience culture with take out and fast food.
Let’s be real, the majority of overweight people we see is not due to medical reasons, but overeating. Now that can be due to mental health or trauma responses but it still comes down to calories in vs calories out.
But *bad* parenting? I dunno. The kids are being fed which is better than starving I guess?
Moist_War_3666 on
Honestly? Yes, and I’d go as far to say it should be considered abuse. Same for animals too, r/chonkers drives me nuts
GlumShoeBadger on
I kind of agree because you can easily control what you cook for them and how much pocket change they get.
I grew up poor and there is 0 way any of my siblings could have gotten fat.
LovelyOrc on
In my case it was bad grandparenting. My mom had to work full-time and my grandma took care of me during the day. She gave me way too many sweets and high calorie food. She even used it to “bribe” me into liking her more than my mom because their relationship was difficult. I hate that old hag.
SmileyP00f on
My personal opinion
Several-Praline5436 on
It is an over-simplification.
All of us who are in this group know how easy it is to put on weight and how hard it is to take it off, so that should give us some compassion for people who struggle with their weight problems and who, by extension, have kids who do. The kids eat what they do, and they are fat, so why wouldn’t their kids be fat? But people are also uneducated about calories and how much they are consuming; they don’t know how much a kid needs or what kind during their growth process. Then there is the normal fat that happens to a lot of kids when they hit puberty. I went from a skinny child to a chubby preteen and finally grew enough and lost the baby fat so I was pretty thin at 17. I’m grateful my parents never fat-shamed me, even though I shamed myself plenty.
I would say “bad parenting” is non-existent parenting, controlling parenting, or failing to teach your kids the social skills that would allow them to be accepted by their peers (thus creating social isolation and misery in some kids). Learning to read, communicate, get along with other kids, have compassion for other people, etc., their psychology is even more important than their weight, although weight is important.
SmileyP00f on
My honest answer is that everyone & each circumstance is different. I would need to know all variables in a situation.
I had a very thin brother and an overweight sister. Same parents. I known obese kids that hid food & parents were concerned and did their best to help the child eat healthier & lose weight. I’ve also seen parents that were likely part of the problem.
Too broad of question for an appropriate opinion from me.
catnap40 on
Paying attention to a 20-something doofus talk in generalities, like he knows anything, is stupid.
Traditional_Tax9120 on
I’m an obese mother with overweight children. And ultimately I feel like it IS due bad parenting and general life decisions on my part. I grew up fat, fast food and junk food were all I ever knew as a kid. As an adult, I tried to correct those bad habits for the sake of my children and succeeded for many years. Then my relationship with their father became extremely volatile due to his alcoholism and everything crumbled. I should have left sooner to spare the years worth of damage that was done both physically and emotionally. Instead I let 7 years go by – falling deeper and deeper into the worst depression I’ve ever experienced. I have a long history of severe panic disorder and depression, and the situation our family had been thrust into made my mental health bottom out. Everything felt like survival mode. I gained almost 100 pounds, struggled with agoraphobia, stopped taking care of myself, our home, and our health. I will always regret allowing his addiction to consume me because of the impact it had on my children. And I feel 100% responsible for the consequences because I should have been strong enough to put them first.
I finally left my ex almost 2 years ago, and the kids and I have been slowly but surely coming to the other side of all that now, out of the shadows that we lived under for so long. My children are both happy and we are on a healthier journey together as a family. But I will never forgive myself for the years of inaction on my part that contributed to all of this.
letusnottalkfalsely on
Dude has judgement and hate instead of empathy solutions.
22 Comments
I’m sure plenty of people have opinions on that
can be both
I think it depends on the family dynamic. I’m Italian and was always offered a second serving growing up. As an adult I find it hard to only eat one serving so I trick myself by using small plates/bowls and small forks/spoons. I can still have “seconds” but it’s really just one normal sized meal. 😅😅
Completely agree. Had to unlearn all my learned (over)eating habits/ portion control in adulthood due to childhood obesity. Let me tell you, it’s much harder to work my ass off as an adult than it was for my mum to just control my eating as a child. Now I do understand it’s all she probably knew and it’s not directly her fault, however the outcome still happened.
Probably quite a controversial take but the trauma and life effects childhood obesity had on me, were enough for me to understand that a fat child = bad parenting.
A relative of mine would put sugar in her infants bottles to fatten her up because she was “too skinny” (she was the size of a normal infant). She’s 19 now and she’s been struggling with obesity her entire life, she was diagnosed with diabetes as a toddler. So in this case yes, very bad parenting.
There are so many reasons someone can be fat, chalking it up to bad parenting is such a garbage take. It’s like the “if kids have bad behavior then it’s 100% the parents fault” take – it leaves out so much nuance and context around WHY kids have bad behavior that have nothing to do with how they were raised/parented.
It’s case by case but in most cases yea I agree!
Yeah. People are always quick to say having a fat cat is animal abuse, so therefore this would be child abuse using that same logic. I understand that it’s not always black and white, everyone and every body is different. But they’re your dependents, and they depend on you to care for them properly
I think it really depends. There are families where everyone is a normal weight besides one child, and it is that child’s behavior governing it. The parents cannot just withhold food from one child, people have just as many strong opinions against putting children on diets against their will, and doing so can have the opposite of the intended effect over time (many people here were kids on weight watchers after all).
And then so many families just don’t have any health literacy. This is not a prerequisite for becoming a parent or for being a good parent. If it was, there’d be almost no parents and definitely very few “good” parents out there. Parents with thin kids do not necessarily feed them a healthy nutritious diet lol. Most people know very little about how to be healthy themselves, and they are inevitably just going to repeat what was done to them or habits they currently have and imbue their children with the same habits and behaviors, some are “lucky” to get kids who intuitively know how to moderate while other children do not.
Eh it depends. My brother was born small and was always a skinny/athletic kid growing up. I was born as a bigger baby and was always chubby growing up. The issue is my brother had a big appetite as a kid that continued but didn’t gain all the weight until later in his life whereas I have always had a small appetite yet no matter what I ate, I was never considered skinny. Now, other than me, my whole family is obese. I’m still overweight but am healthier.
On the other hand, my cousins have always been super skinny because their mom drilled it into their heads that they were worthless if they gained even a pound.
Guess who has a more loving and caring relationship with their parents.
In my case it was. Parents should have intervened. But I understand why they didn’t. They thought they were protecting me. Good intent, bad choice.
I’ll say more “lazy” parenting. There’s a good chance if the kids are fat the parents are too because they probably don’t cook proper nutritional meals and rather rely on convenience culture with take out and fast food.
Let’s be real, the majority of overweight people we see is not due to medical reasons, but overeating. Now that can be due to mental health or trauma responses but it still comes down to calories in vs calories out.
But *bad* parenting? I dunno. The kids are being fed which is better than starving I guess?
Honestly? Yes, and I’d go as far to say it should be considered abuse. Same for animals too, r/chonkers drives me nuts
I kind of agree because you can easily control what you cook for them and how much pocket change they get.
I grew up poor and there is 0 way any of my siblings could have gotten fat.
In my case it was bad grandparenting. My mom had to work full-time and my grandma took care of me during the day. She gave me way too many sweets and high calorie food. She even used it to “bribe” me into liking her more than my mom because their relationship was difficult. I hate that old hag.
My personal opinion
It is an over-simplification.
All of us who are in this group know how easy it is to put on weight and how hard it is to take it off, so that should give us some compassion for people who struggle with their weight problems and who, by extension, have kids who do. The kids eat what they do, and they are fat, so why wouldn’t their kids be fat? But people are also uneducated about calories and how much they are consuming; they don’t know how much a kid needs or what kind during their growth process. Then there is the normal fat that happens to a lot of kids when they hit puberty. I went from a skinny child to a chubby preteen and finally grew enough and lost the baby fat so I was pretty thin at 17. I’m grateful my parents never fat-shamed me, even though I shamed myself plenty.
I would say “bad parenting” is non-existent parenting, controlling parenting, or failing to teach your kids the social skills that would allow them to be accepted by their peers (thus creating social isolation and misery in some kids). Learning to read, communicate, get along with other kids, have compassion for other people, etc., their psychology is even more important than their weight, although weight is important.
My honest answer is that everyone & each circumstance is different. I would need to know all variables in a situation.
I had a very thin brother and an overweight sister. Same parents. I known obese kids that hid food & parents were concerned and did their best to help the child eat healthier & lose weight. I’ve also seen parents that were likely part of the problem.
Too broad of question for an appropriate opinion from me.
Paying attention to a 20-something doofus talk in generalities, like he knows anything, is stupid.
I’m an obese mother with overweight children. And ultimately I feel like it IS due bad parenting and general life decisions on my part. I grew up fat, fast food and junk food were all I ever knew as a kid. As an adult, I tried to correct those bad habits for the sake of my children and succeeded for many years. Then my relationship with their father became extremely volatile due to his alcoholism and everything crumbled. I should have left sooner to spare the years worth of damage that was done both physically and emotionally. Instead I let 7 years go by – falling deeper and deeper into the worst depression I’ve ever experienced. I have a long history of severe panic disorder and depression, and the situation our family had been thrust into made my mental health bottom out. Everything felt like survival mode. I gained almost 100 pounds, struggled with agoraphobia, stopped taking care of myself, our home, and our health. I will always regret allowing his addiction to consume me because of the impact it had on my children. And I feel 100% responsible for the consequences because I should have been strong enough to put them first.
I finally left my ex almost 2 years ago, and the kids and I have been slowly but surely coming to the other side of all that now, out of the shadows that we lived under for so long. My children are both happy and we are on a healthier journey together as a family. But I will never forgive myself for the years of inaction on my part that contributed to all of this.
Dude has judgement and hate instead of empathy solutions.
How is this related to this sub