So we all know that discipline wins over motivation but when you're obese, tired and depressed you absolutely need something to motivate that change that is deeply needed.
In my case feeling awful about myself everyday didn't do it, it just made me binge more even if I felt awful just crossing my legs or doing simple things. My body feels off, I don't like what I saw in the mirror I don't like the person I am. I've constantly tried to motivate myself to try again (lost 30lbs in 2020/21 gained back and some).
I wouldn't be able to complete more than a day let alone a week. I just kept failing, felt like shit, ate like shit, tried again, fail again.
Nothing gave me the "push" I needed you know? That wake up call that scares you enough to jump into action. Could I do it for me? For my health? For my children? For my husband? No. To be honest no. We went on vacation, it went good, as expected. Never felt particularly pretty and there were many times when I saw myself with makeup and outfit in the mirror and felt such an anxiety, I hated what I saw. I had to breathe and remember "this is the body I have right now I can't do anything right now, just go out like this".
I tried to motivate myself with:
-the thought of how good will I look if I lost weight.
-how easier it will be to go out shopping
-how my husband may like me more
-my children need a healthy mother
-how easier it would be to just navigate the world
-the fact that losing weight statistically gives women a higher earning potential than getting a master's (appalling but that's society)
-looking at old pictures of me and seeing how good I looked.
-Do dumb things like unfollow cooking content creators (I love cooking) and liked many videos of "skinnyTok" so my algorithm would just show people doing things to be skinny.
Nothing really did it for me. Rationally I knew what I had to do and why, I've done it a thousands times, my mind has thought about it everyday. But I didn't DO. I just didn't. If I started I would be failing by the afternoon. It didn't matter if I decided to go 1500 instead of 1200 I would still self sabotage that and overeat beyond that.
I weighted myself after that vacation, awful number, almost the highest I've ever been. Got back to work, to life, back to thinking about it and back to doing nothing but ruminate about it.
Then this last weekend I saw some gaming videos, this Nintendo Switch 2 is the only Nintendo console I haven't bought at launch since the Wii, I just couldn't justify the expense you know? I saw the games, got excited by some titles.
And then I decided, if I got a 90day streak of 1200cal days I was going to treat myself with it. I wasn't going to weight myself again daily (used to do it when I lost a lot) I'm only doing it once at the end of every week or less (once biweekly) just to see if everything tracks.
My main goal is to complete 90 days eating 1200cal that's it. This week everytime I walked next to a convenience store and wanted to buy junk I would just think "do I want that cookie more than the NS2?" No, of course not, fuck the cookies. I would even transfer the money of what I used to spend in that to a savings account for my console. Prepping the food for the week suddenly became actually doable. I probably do need therapy if a toy is more enticing and motivating for me than my actual health and family but I'm going to grab my wins where I can even if they are insignificant.
Today is the fifth day and it doesn't feel hard, yet. If I stick to it I should be going out to buy it November 30th. I would usually buy it online but if I manage this I want to feel excited going to the store and buying it.
If you're reading this far, thank you. If you relate to not being able to find motivation in the things that used to motivate you, try to change it a little and see if you can find something. Get started however you can, you deserve this.
by Niboomy